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Blog EntryJul 30, '10 11:47 AM
for everyone
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be

Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see?

-- Stop and Stare by One Republic


Many nights I would have one moment of sobriety and clarity, one moment to lecture with and to myself, one moment to heed that inner voice to make the right plans, and follow through with the right action; and hoping to somehow make it; and to succeed with whatever it is you want with your life. 

Many nights I feel that it is that night, the night you know that it is the stuff of which great men and women are made of. That single night when stars align and the universe takes your side to make the world your oyster.

You know how everyone says the phrase, "best night ever"? Except that this night is actually your best night ever; where you are not fooling yourself that it is. Except that this night would be the night that you will honestly and instantly blurt out if ever a deranged serial killer pulls out a gun over your head and asks you, ironically, with a sinister laugh, "what was your best night ever?"

The turning point, that cross-road, that paradigm shift, that moment of epiphany or whatever, of heading towards something short of the happily ever after. You are sure of it - dead certain of it - that after this night, you are back on track with the boost and the momentum to being awesome.

And many nights I think I had that. If only I have not gone to sleep defeated by one or many of a hundred reasons.

On worse nights, I sleep thinking there isn't such a thing at all.

People look at me and try to figure out who I am and come up with different things. What is it I do? What is it I want to do? What is it I am doing? What am I doing? 

Would I like to have a fucking pissing contest?

The answer is best put simple for the most part. I am doing what I don't want to do. I am not doing what I want to do. I do what I want to do. I do not do what I do not want to do. I do what I want but I do not want how I do it. I do. And do. And not do. And do a little more. 

For a dubious quarter of my life, that is what I have been doing: exactly the same thing as what everybody does. Yet truth be told, I am not like everybody else.

I know for a fact that I am not normal like everybody else is. Well, not anymore anyway. I am out of place. Out of sync even. I go to bed wondering what it would have been like to have a life like a normal one. I wake up and muster every ounce of will I have to make it throughout my whole personal and secret day. 

Most of the time, I call their life boring, and that goes without saying that mine isn't as boring as well, but I can't help but wonder how it would be if I had it boring like that.

Now I think the real problem is that my heart is not set for anywhere. And I think it should be anywhere but here.

I looked at the meaning of "ennui" and found out that it means "a gripping listlessness or melancholia caused by boredom; depression." 

I feel like a soldier in the trenches woken up by gun fire wondering if the war is still worth fighting for, wondering if the war would be over with a single gunshot in his head or enough hundreds in the air until it stops, wondering what happens if or when he wins or loses or just wondering how to kill and how he managed to. I long for either peace or for the war to end... knowing that one is different from the other.

I want to blame a whole lot of people. And I can't. I remind myself that I am looking at the wrong people. And it's useless. It doesn't even feel that good.
Tonight is not one of those nights that I would look back proud. Tonight is the night where I wallow in pain, in pity and regret... even if I'd passionately hate people doing it. I indulge myself to abandoning willpower and encouragement just to feel the emotions it held back at bay. 

The bittersweet reality of a life of ennui. And the toll of the high cost of living the consequence that I consciously and unconsciously chose.

Tonight, I embrace the chaos. And it hurts a little at first.

Tomorrow morning, I basically have to live. Again. But as this day ends, I would like to think I would not sleep defeated at the least. Maybe I think I need a hug too. 

-----------------

"Embrace the chaos. You have to. That way life may just astonish you."

-- Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)

Blog EntryJun 21, '10 11:58 AM
for everyone
I have been experimenting.

I wanted to find out what motivates me to write something. I conducted this little activity even before the campaign period. What I did was to observe my "writing behavior" during these time whether I would write in excess or otherwise. Now, I decided to end a rather dry spiel tonight.

One of the things that I found out is that some things I've written was borne out of moments either of heightened emotions or ardent emotions (surprise, surprise). I was very active in forums (in PinoyExchange, 2010 elections forum in particular) during these period.

This tells me that I need some sort of trigger to write. I think I should lessen that dependency. Because I ended up producing poorly after. Although, during those times, I wrote Method To Madness, a piece that I deeply enjoy due to its style. 

Another thing is that I may be more enthused in writing for an audience. I think this is a missing perspective towards my attitude in writing. I was unaware of it, and knowing that fact makes writing more easier for me.

Also, I should develop a habit of writing. Since I write when I feel something, I think I should write when I don't feel like it. 

As Neil Gaiman advised, "Just write."

I also mandated that Gus Alain and Fauxx should be two separate personalities entirely. I believe that there are topics I would like to tackle without the prejudice against Gus. I've (accidentally) read something about the concept of "Face" in Interpersonal communication, that we use it to be acceptable in our social circles.

I think its a brillant idea. 

I might read more of it. If I happen to stumble upon that book in my favorite desk in the CAL library.

What am I trying to do exactly? These days, I am seriously considering to be a part-time writer. I did not say I want a job as a writer, I just want to be a writer. Those are two different things.

When did I decide on this? I think when Gus managed to shut up during his decades-long internal dialogues with Fauxx.

Why?

That's a bit deeper.

I watch a whole lot of Philippine TV shows, movies, listen to advertisements, listen to radio, and read. Every time I do, I felt disappointed more, if not disgusted, at the storytellers and their stories rather than admire more of them as I admired foreign writers and foreign works. This goes without saying that we really do have a few good stories out there. 

But when the stories are good, they are not the best..and when they suck, they suck so bad. 

They lack a certain kind of "truthiness" and/or Truth into them. And if they lie, they aren't doing it beautifully.

They are writers but not storytellers. They are storytellers but not writers.

I believe that the storytellers and writers in our time have done a great disservice to their audience. For reasons that made them be, it is not of my concern. 

Has anyone realized that the last presidential election was won by lies? And its not even a good one at that. If the lie is true, it is a boring one. If it is false, it lacks luster like the president-elect. That leads me to thinking why people appreciated his story. Why did they choose his narrative (not even BY him) above the others?

Have we been saturated by these boring stories that much?

Fauxx hopes for better days.

Now, I do not claim to be that messiah who will make it all better, but I will strive to be the Don Quixote fighting the windmills. 

All things considered, I might extend this little experiment, but on a different focus. The first phase was to identify my capacity and attitude. The second phase will be quality and attitude.

Wish Fauxx luck! 

Blog EntryJun 4, '10 11:49 PM
for everyone

Today, I started work as a student trainee for the Business Development Department at Energy Development Corporation.

 
Energy Development Corporation had always piqued my curiosity ever since I saw its building when I was younger. So, when the announcement came up on the school bulletin board, I knew I just had to try. Aside from the convenience of proximity to our house, it seems like a perfect place to work. Luckily, I was accommodated. 

 
My purpose is simple: to expose myself to the other side of Library and Information studies which is information work. I considered my exposure from my previous OJT, in International School Manila, a success since it gave me exposure to the library. So, I thought I needed exposure to information work in private corporations; another thing that has piqued my curiosity when I first landed in SLIS.

 
Work in EDC starts at 8:30 AM.
 
Ironically, it is just across my previous training place here in Fort Bonifacio, Taguig City. Many other students from different schools also come here for training in the different departments. Naturally, they have a set procedure to accommodate the students and offer compensation for the work done here. A quick chat with the security guard told me that I wasn’t the first one and students with a time requirement as high as 2,000 hours have worked here. I just needed 150 hours.

 
The day before, I just finished submitting the requirements they needed. NBI Clearance, pictures for the ID, and copy of grades. On the same day, I also had the job contract signing and was given a student trainee ID as standard protocol I guess. I also met with two of my supervisors, RJ Alquiza and Ms. KT. Unfortunately, it was Ms. KT’s last few days there as she is resigning.

 
Anyway, I was given a cubicle to work with and was acquainted to some of the other people in the office. My first task was to count documents. I mean, literally, count physical pages of paper. Why? It's a story worth telling with the next journal.


Work ended at 5:30.
-- 


Blog EntryMay 2, '10 5:35 AM
for everyone

I would like to thank Ms. Patricia Evangelista, for her usual glamorously-intelligent article in her column dated May 1, 2010, which generously shed some divine wisdom and hot savvy insight on why she is not voting for Mr. Dick. 

I was a Dick and Bayani supporter before, but her article penetrated my superficial imagination about the elections and allowed us to peep into intimate information regarding Dick. I believe it is very intense and rough in substance thus liberating all of us of anxiety and curiosity and leaving us readers with a slight feeling of guilt for indulging ourselves to support our candidate. The back-and-forth pacing and placing of juicy in-context statements and smooth subtle touches supporting the overall reading experience leaves us satisfied in our climactic realizations.

It blew our heads.

I agree that there are many and varied positions why Richard Gordon is not the main man to rise for the occasion. And she hit it right in the head; we should not vote for Gordon simply because he is Richard Gordon. The charming writer succeeds in informing us of what a wasted vote it is to vote for someone ugly, oral-wise.

Imagine what the "little" Napoleon (pertaining to Dick’s unimpressive length of exploits which is ironically "Napoleon-ish") holding hands with a pink Hitler (Bayani Fernando) would do to our society - or worse - to our image as a nation. What kind of jokes could be made out of our leaders if they are elected into office? I mean, I'm okay with gay, but not really okay if they represent me.

 

That subtle yet powerful metaphor alone is very crucial in driving her point. As popular belief would tell us that we are the only Christian nation in Southeast Asia, our country would not look pretty to the rest of our community. Even if we are ranking last, we should keep our deviations discreet and our morality, moral.

 

No offense to the gay community.

 

Dick Gordon would say that leadership is not position but action. Ms. Evangelista goes even further, reminding everybody that leadership is not just those overrated "function of achievements" but also character. What good is 43 years of doing volunteer work for the Red Cross if you don’t have character? I say, Character is more than action; it is candor that is not offensive to everyone with, on medical slang, a vagina or a penis. And leadership is being the hot commodity in a party who everyone wants to sleep with, and one should know how to use character as your wingman. It’s about the guy with good intentions and the smooth words. Cause everyone knows that great-talking strangers have the best candy.

 

In a more serious note, you are effectively useless in negotiation when you have Dick Gordon’s mouth. In those talks, rebels are evil and should not be heeded. It is expected that the best negotiations resolve almost in hardcore armed struggle afterwards and some hefty amount of collateral damage and casualties. It is just a bonus to get some hostages alive out of that mess.

 

This begs the question how Dick Gordon managed to rescue hostages in those occasions through talks with rebels such as Parad. It’s either Dick is an inconsistent speaker (a bad trait for a presidential candidate) or we have poor quality rebels. For the purposes of this article, I have to go with the latter. And that is what our dysfunctional country has become – a nation of poor-quality rebels. Shame on them.

 

Regardless, no one else is fit for the job except those who bomb rebels to high heavens or those who found and killed some new ones somewhere in Hacienda Luisita.

 

We all want “Change”. Change we can believe in. And change is about impression. Thus, a leader should be a master of impressions and I’m not talking about Willie Nep. I am reminded of the perfect leader in Frank Miller’s 300. Whoever can exude leadership like that is the soft-spoken King Xerxes. He declared himself as someone just, good, and even offered a gentleman’s proposition. He offered change, and he damn well looked good at it. 


Transactional politics is king.



Now these Spartans are just plain assholes with some rag tag bunch of 300 bloodthirsty soldiers. King Leonidas is apparently the biggest dick metaphorically. Standing up against everything that is wrong just made them lesser persons who die needlessly in battles. And I bet 300 wouldn’t look good in surveys either.


Can you imagine the stress of working under the Sparta Public Relations Office or the Sparta Media Relations office? I bet they were the first to dine in hell. This is why King Leonidas reminds me of Dick Gordon and Bayani Fernando.

 

There are many and varied reasons why we should not vote for Dick Gordon. When we are swayed by a politician’s platforms and the actions and work output to support them, we should look the other way, and carefully, at their "personalities". Achievements such as awards and honors should be ignored critically as it conditions the mind and may be propaganda. 


At the end of the day, it’s all about the one who speaks nicely and who is sound personality-wise (psychiatric test? no laws about that one). If you have a good platform to support what you are talking about, then that’s all we need to hope that you could deliver your promises.


No one else should speak about ugly candidates such as Dick Gordon than that hot and beautiful writer.

 

We should vote like Ms. Patricia Evangelista. We should look at the personalities, in fact, if we focus hard enough on them, then we'd realize that's all that really matters. Hell, isn't that obvious already? Filipinos have been voting like that since time immemorial and look how far it has gotten us. Never mind these needless things such as platforms and capacity. Who listens to debates? In fact, I approve of candidates who don't show up in them in the first place since they are just a waste of time. No one wants to hear them talk. Especially Dick. How can we know that he has the capacity, If he can't talk his walk? 


A word of advice: fake it till you make it instead of making it then try to fake it. Get a tummy tuck and botox Mr. Gordon.


Patricia's method is something profound and something that permeates the fabric of our current society and something that which we should uphold and enforce. Otherwise we will never be the same again. That is risky and that is not something we all want. So, don't vote for Gordon and Bayani. Patricia Evangelista's method is the best one we should adhere to for stability.


Her method? Definitely not Sparta.

---------------------------------------

Fauxx says that all is fair in love and war. Or in other words sex (and its innuendos) and elections. Method to Madness is the title of Ms. Evangelista's Column.

The only problem in dining in hell is they only serve bullshit. 

Fauxx has had enough.

Blog EntryDec 22, '09 9:48 PM
for everyone
Just reposting. The original thread is here.

Pastor D Ijiang (some user at PinoyExchange)
That is what worries me of Villar. He is an astute Entrepreneur and do we really think he spends billions of pesos in infomercials and not get his return of investment? I wish. Many Pinoys might just be paying for Villar's debt for 6 years if he becomes president.

----

Fauxx (my nickname at PinoyExchange)

Actually, in this country Entrepreneurs are viewed differently by people. Scheming, greedy, and whatnot. 

True Entrepreneurs are awesome, simply put. In a nutshell, they are chiefly responsible for humanity's progress. And they give back. 

But then again, what turned me off with Villar is the way he used the advertisement medium. When politicians use that, they are just projecting an image of what they want people to see. 

That's the same as fooling people, by not necessarily lying to them, but just giving them something nice to look at. 

Sure, he has the achievements to back up his statements, but then again the whole act is dependent on the gullibility of the populace to assimilate, without question, what they watch on TV. 

I think the electorate should instead be empowered and inspired through media not patronized in their mediocrity of choosing candidates without critical thinking

This is one of the things a true leader must change, its not easy but it should be required for a country such as this. 

This is not Villar's fault, of course. He is a great man but forced to play by the rules of popularity and the norms of Philippine elections. To some, this is fine. And I respect that, and I won't argue. 

But that is enough for me to look for somebody else. How can you change the country if you yourself buckles down to that?

Blog EntryDec 16, '09 10:53 PM
for everyone

Blog EntryDec 9, '09 6:50 AM
for everyone
It is not about winnability.  

Six years ago, I was in Megamall. But I was outside in EDSA, barely comfortable and absolutely stinking, while sporting a yellow campaign shirt. I was flagging down a bus so that it can accept the campaign poster I had in my hand. It read: God Will Make A Way. Some are stopping in confusion, some are, of course, busy being an ass, but some pledged their support and in those times, the heat isn't so bad. 

I wasn't being paid to do this and the T-shirt I was wearing was bought and not given (but my pastor sponsored it for me). I was a volunteer.

I was one of Bro. Eddie Villanueva's supporters.

Now this may raise some eyebrows for some of my old and new friends alike, but I was one of those screaming, vigilant and zealous supporters. I went to Quirino Grandstand, to welfareville, to QC Circle and many other places. I convinced my parents and (hopefully) many others to vote for Bro. Eddie Villanueva. I've watched the precincts all day and night, and with my own eyes, witness how many supporters GMA had but that FPJ was winning. 

So, yes, I've been there, wore the shirt, and I've done that.

But it felt really good. 

Also realize that this was the time when I was single, hormones crazily raging and all, and being a Bro. Eddie supporter at the time doesn't really contribute much in the pogi points department; and when you are in that age, that means a lot. 

But it means something when you take a stand for something you earnestly believe. It makes you whole, and it empowers you, and makes you courageous enough to weather the disappointment that you are almost sure that will follow after the candidate you rooted for loses (or was cheated). And I'm not even a registered voter then.

Maybe that is why the whole thing felt so real and so good. That no matter how loud I shout, no matter how many people I win over, how many hours I spend guarding a losing candidate's votes, how much zealousness people misunderstand you for and the pogi points you lose in doing so... there will always be that searing and nagging pain that I didn't have the right to actually make my vote "count"

Pain defines pleasure.

And now I hear this very familiar question again: 

"... would my vote make any difference?"

After all the experiences I've told you, let me tell you this answer (or the faux): 

Absolutely not. Your vote wouldn't make any difference

Read that again.

In fact, the one who tells you to make your vote count doesn't really know what counts. Your vote is just one number among the many. It is not some divine power granted to you to change the country as what the TV makes you believe.

The powerful would use it against you and screw you over with it. They will steal your land and resources, destroy your hopes, drive away families to foreign lands, spread diseases and laugh in the face of the dying and sink this country one notch deeper at a time. The vote you casted will be made an illusion, if it isn't already, and under your nose, the oppressors continue to oppress with all the protection the state can afford. 

One morning you wake up realizing that your vote just killed 50 innocents, men, women and children, in the cold light of day. And a hundred more, and thousands more buried in soil and in forget. You helplessly wait for the apocalypse that you can call climate change, or bad governance, or whichever comes next from the list of dysfunction the system generates.

The system that your vote generated. Go grab a singer and people with torches and sing about that.

The greatest irony is that your officials, directly and indirectly, consciously and unconsciously, did use it to change your beloved country just the way you intended for things to change.. but just not the way you planned. And just not the way you wanted. 

Your good intentions is different with good vision. They are not the same thing. One is a list of what you or anybody hopes to do, the other is what you intend to do yourself.

So, it doesn't make any difference whether you vote or not: blood is already in your hands the moment you assumed that there is any relevance in that scribbled paper in the oh-so-easy-to-steal ballot box.

It is just a stupid vote.

And it's true, I lost faith in the system. But before you stop reading, I will tell you another statement: I will CHOOSE to vote in this upcoming election. And that I have decided on who I will vote for. If you excuse my campaigning, it's Richard Gordon.

(He's one of those guys you never expect something more than what you see. Pun not intended in relation to their nickname, Transformers, he is more than meets the eye. But enough of him and let me get to my point.)

Watching people like him, by the way they talk and how they reason out, you wonder is there any hope? I won't go into further detail but I want you to prove for yourselves the validity of my statement. Listen to the guy. If you don't vote for him, he doesn't mind. He said it himself.

During one of his interviews, I realized something very critical about volunteerism, suffrage, and democracy altogether.

Let me be clear on this one thing: I do not believe Richard Gordon is the messiah of hope that could make the country rise from the mire of corruption and what-have-you. He is not that savior that every Filipino is hoping and waiting for. And to some degree, that is exactly what he is saying.

I saw in him a leader. That is all. But he is the only leader in this election that I can subscribe to.

And he made me realize that the power of the vote, the power of suffrage, is not the actual paper. The "vote" and the "ballot" is a physical manifestation of something that symbolizes the greater gesture. This is something we have missed out or forgotten as a nation, as a country.

I missed this one. I grew up thinking that true agents of change are the people who we elected with our votes. They told me to choose the right people, to vote wisely and to guard it well, like it's the only thing we should do. Then just go and watch and hope to the heavens that this clicks, then bitch if we need to and that it's our constitutional right, then go vote some more cause you obviously didn't vote for the right person.

I grew up thinking that the right to vote is ALL that mattered.

And it's a silly parade every election. And we get torn up every time as a nation because the candidates we think is right did not win. We forget our other duties as a citizen, simply because it was never an issue. 

Our only job as a citizen is to vote or so we believed.

The elected don't want to tell you your other duties. Why? Some politicians don't even know what THAT is. Besides, if the elected tell people to work, they will ask you, "isn't that YOUR job? Isn't that why we voted for you?" Who (among the elected and the candidates) dares to tell people to work? Who realizes the duties of the people and to rub it in their faces? They don't. They became his/her boss the moment he/she was elected. Who wants to upset the boss?

When in fact, the real power of suffrage, of DEMOcracy, is not only the action of us voting but also the action we will make after that.

It is what becomes of us and what we do after. The power of the vote is not merely passion. It is not merely hope for a brighter future. It is not good intentions. It is not good track record. It is not the achievable promises. It is not the attainable goal-making. It is not the effective decision-making. 

The real power of the vote is us; our hearts when we cast that ballot, our minds when we choose to be educated to know who is right, our spirit when we yearn for the greater good, and the most important, what drives us into action... plus all of what I've said above. It's cliché right? But clichés are just lessons of truth we are too tired of not learning.

The one WE have been waiting for is OURSELVES.

And we have not been electing ourselves for a long time. We have been electing people with good intentions who think they can change the country alone. We hope for them to do that job to make our lives easier. And we wonder, crying our hearts out, why we arrive with evil incarnates for president.

Corrupted government? We have a bigger problem of corrupted people. We don't even realize that or its just a bitter pill to swallow. To some of us, that's a glaring truth we try hard to ignore.

We don't want the responsibility that is required of an excellent country. We don't want to endure the pain of working for the whole and for the common good. We don't want any of that. So, we settle for handouts from the people we call candidates and choose the "lesser evil". 

And so we vote. 

Saying we want "change". But give me a break.

"The electorate knows what they do not want but they don't know what they want." -- Dick (and he said, that Dicks make people happy. I am not kidding you.)

Nothing worth having comes easy. And this is Gordon's (and Bayani's) platform in my perspective. He tells people to WORK. He doesn't get enough credit for this. Through his words, I saw what he saw. His democracy is not the kind of farcical democrazy we have right now. Yes, he shared with me his vision. Again, I'm a sucker, and I'm caught hook, line and sinker. There goes my pogi points again....

And I'm not saying all of this just to campaign for him, (and I'm trying HARD not to.) The man can campaign for himself. The only different thing about him is that he's done it before and he knows he can do it again. Just look at what he did in Subic. (oh there goes the Subic reference again) But seriously, LOOK at Subic. Actions speaks louder they say. Another cliché.

We just need to listen to what the man says. You know how to choose, I hope. 

And so, waste your vote on him please.

---------------
An even greater irony is this: "suffrage" sounds like suffer and rage. Pain defines pleasure.

Fauxx says that you should hear or read at least ONE interview of Richard Gordon. The least you could do is share it or this post with your friends.

So, I set up a second email address and joined a BUNCH of PTC sites.


What is a PTC?

Paid-To-Click is an online business model that draws huge amounts of online traffic from people aiming to earn from home. Paid-To-Click, or simply PTC websites act as middlemen between advertisers and consumers; the advertiser pays for displaying ads on the PTC website, and a part of this payment goes to the consumer when he views the advertisement.


Why?

I figured, why the hell not? If I get paid by $5.00, well that's something. This was Lockerz' fault. I would not have discovered the sense of this click stuff if not for them. Anyway, I would formally declare Lockerz as a legit site after I hold in my hands either the promised T-shirt or the iPhone skin that I have redeemed from their site.

Going back to PTC sites, I am going for an experiment yet again, as I have done with Lockerz. So, I joined a bunch of them, clicking happily cent by cent, dollar by virtual dollar, and wait for results. I am in the process of establishing a website as well.

Again, why?

1) I can.
2) I am free to do anything I want. 
3) If I gain profit from all these, then I can share it.
4) The worst-case scenario is I lose my email account (free), my AlertPay account (free) and my verified PayPal account (which contain no money). Or hack into my friendster and hit on every girl (or guy) I know, which would both be beneficial and disturbing on my part.

Okay, I will update you guys what I have found. As of this posting, I joined the following websites:

NOTE: I also would want to encourage you to click on any(or all) of them and signup as my referral/s. This would help me earn monies and such. If you are scared of clicking things, that is fine. But do as I have done, set up a new email (I use gmail) and register indiscriminately. You will also need to have at least a (verified) PayPal account. You can sign up for a free AlertPay account too.

1) NEOBUX <-- slow.. but people said it is the most secure.
2) TREKPAY <-- I like this one. Looks kinda off but let's find out.
3) AdFlasher.net <-- still new.. i dunno. 
4) Hits4Pay <-- still new  too. I filed an IRS W-9 form just to sign up. (harmless)
5) InboxDollars <-- looks legit. But I doubt I could get more from this. Slow too. The reason I'm staying is because I want to get my $5 signing bonus.
6) Bux XL <-- I like this too. A better version of Neobux. More ads.

And there we go. Wish me luck.

P.S. - The second email I setup is still spam-free.

Blog EntryOct 14, '09 5:51 AM
for everyone
I am investigating the serious business side of the internet. 

The other serious-business side, not the serious-business srs bzns. Ironically, the same srs-bzns lulz and drama of facebook bored the hell out of me and prompted me to look for something else to do that is more productive.

I scoured the internet (4chan mostly) and found one seemingly legit site, Lockerz. (Please do bear in mind that even if 4chan is a very "risky" site, infamously known as the "dark anus of the internet", most first-hand information and news are also found there. It also improves your bullshit-detection skills, among other things.)

And so, for the last 14 days, I have been pestering the whole of the internetz for this site called Lockerz.

Now, the rationale is simple: aim for the PSP, aim for 2 PSPs, and after 15 days see if you can do it. If it's fake, well meh~; if it's legit, you get 2 10,000 pesos worth of items out of raw internet and typing skills.

I said to myself, it's a feat in itself to actually invite 80 people to sign up. It's a feat in itself to practice my ability to commit, something I seem to be forgetting how to do. So, in any case, it's win-win. Actually, win-win-win, since the ones you invite have the option to pursue this opportunity.

But most of all, I considered it an experiment as well.

And there are many realizations I extracted out of those 15 days. Here are some:
  • You can evaluate which of your friends think you are trustworthy...
  •  ... and those who think you are a complete idiot...
  •  ... and be infuriated the first few times,
  •  ... and then find yourself not to be affected so much, thus upgrading your threshold for rejection,
  •  ... and still there are friends who think you are being an idiot but still obliged with your request simply because they are your friends,
  •  ...  there are friends who WILL ignore you,
  •  ... and that you have to update your friends list,
  • some friends you have right now are just waiting for that moment to talk with you again (so try to greet one each day)
  • even though you have 400+ friends, you realize you haven't been in touch with alot
  •  you can make a functioning website out of pure knowledge 
  •  ... and in 6 hours, even less... (thank you LIS 160!)
  • one word will appeal differently to different people
  • you discover people who think things through by asking good questions
  • you discover people who ask questions just for the sake of asking
  • there are people who are simply hilarious for having silly ideas.
  • there are people who use the internet for typing practice, metaphorically
  • patience, determination, motivation, focus, can help you achieve set goals
  • some people want something for nothing
  • that the more help you extend, the more benefit you get.
  • The difference between wanting to do something and getting things done is the difference between the words Desire and Want. (Hint for those who use the PC for typing practice: you don't get anything done by wanting to do something)
  • a simple single thought is the first step in achieving reality
  • avoiding failure is avoiding success, as my shirt says
  • and many more lurking beneath my subconscious..

So, the minimum goal was at least for me to get 200 ptz for the PSP, and I am happy with my accomplishment:


Any way, I am going to investigate a bit further regarding these PTC or Pay-to-click sites. Sometimes you just have to try it out for yourself to know what works and what doesn't. What is PTC? Basically:

Please click here:

And you can give me 0.02 cents.

So, yea I guess it's not that too much a waste of time.

Blog EntryOct 12, '09 4:46 PM
for everyone
Greetings Lockerz Members worldwide.

Your team at Lockerz.com is excited about our first global PTZ Place event coming this Thursday, October 15. 

As many of your know, Lockerz is still in its beta stage and will be even after we launch our site’s full functionality. Every day, with your help and input, Lockerz becomes a better site, a better community and a bit more worthy to earn the right to be your home page one day in the future.

We’ve worked very hard on the following rules and logistics to help ensure that 10/15 is as fair and inclusive as possible. As much as we’d love to satisfy every wish for every member, we can’t -- but we can endeavor to be as fair and responsive as humanly possible.

We have also struggled with the reality that there are a portion of Lockerz members who, despite our best efforts and granting of second chances, continue to try and cheat or disrespect the integrity of the Lockerz community and its amazing members. We, at Lockerz, feel a strong sense of responsibility and passion for protecting the interests and rights of our more than one million legit members, worldwide in 185 countries.

As a result, we’ve made some new rules for this posting to ensure that we can quickly shut down and manage those who do not participate with a sense of fair play nor belief in what we are trying to build together. 

There is no perfect system yet and we recognize that some may be disappointed ultimately despite our best efforts. Rest assured that we will continue to solicit your feedback and learn from both your good ideas and our own missteps.

With that spirit in mind, here are new rules and details for 10/15 (which will actually bleed into 10/16 to allow for four separate time postings).


Prizes:

1) We have hundreds of thousands of prizes for this redemption in total but the most popular electronics and other gifts will run out again quickly and need to be restocked for the next PTZ Place posting in November (date to be announced soon).

2) We are restocking many of the prizes posted on 9/15/09, and we won’t raise PTZ levels on these prizes.

3) We have also added new prizes, many of which were suggested by Lockerz members.

4) Absolutely no exchanges, no returns, no cancellations and no PTZ refunds on prizes. Please select very carefully.

5) To allow as many members as possible to redeem:
a. Members are only allowed one (1) item over 50 PTZ per day. If you violate this rule, your order will be cancelled and your account will be subject to cancellation.
b. No redemption of two of the same items on the same day.


6) We are working on a longer-term strategy for European PAL electronics rules that we hope to have secured in a few weeks. For now, we are offering Amazon.com girt cards for global members to purchase their favorite electronics and other items on amazon.co.uk, amazon.co.fr or other global Amazon sites.

7) Prizes will be restocked 4 times:
10/15/09 at 6PM EDT
10/15/09 at 9PM EDT
10/16/09 at 7AM EDT
10/16/09 at 1PM EDT



Shipping

1) Please allow 2-3 weeks for shipping in USA. Please allow 3 weeks for shipping outside of USA.

2) All items other than iSkins and t-shirts will be sent via UPS. A tracking number will be provided for all UPS shipments.



International shipping

1) Lockerz is now shipping globally to every country in its dropdown menu!!

2) All US and Global shipping is still FREE for this event!

3) Every package sent internationally will be labeled as a “gift.” This should eliminate or significantly reduce any import duty or tax in the vast majority of countries. However, Lockerz cannot be responsible for paying any further fees or tariffs imposed by a recipient’s local government. 

4) For our Brazil members, your country does not allow “gifts” to be shipped without fees or tariffs. We are in the process of creating an alternative shipping and distribution strategy for you to solve this problem. This will delay your order by up to 21 days but it should be worth it!


Important other rules and info:

1) We have added two catpchas (security codes) to the redemption process to help protect security of the transaction as well as ensure accuracy of typing.

2) All addresses must be entered accurately and be consistent with member’s profile address. Failure to do so will result in cancellation of the prize order.

3) No exchanges, returns, no cancellations or PTZ refund on prizes.

4) Use of any bots, cheats or fraud will result in immediate order AND membership cancellation. 

5) Due to our growth and how busy we’ve been with building new functionality for our existing site, we are not launching the full Lockerz website for a few weeks. Please stay tuned for more details.

6) Have fun.

Prizes and PTZ Levels
Product # of Points Necessary

Vespa 7,500
GCH Lockerz VIP Package 5,000
Flat Screen TV 3,000
MacBook Air, 13-inch, Aluminum 2,500
MacBook Pro 13" 1,500
MacBook 13-inch 1,000
Burton Snowboards 850
New iPod Touch 64GB 800
HP Mini 110-1025DX 800
Dell Inspiron Mini 10 inch Computer 750
New iPod Touch 32GB 700
PSP Go 675
Game Systems (Xbox 360 Elite) 675
Game Systems (PS3 Game System Slim 120GB) 625
iPod Touch 32GB 600
Cameras 500
Apple TV 500
Time Capsule 500
Marc Jacobs Handbags 500
“Surprise Cool Gift” 500
Write A "Daily" Question 500 500
Beatles Rockband LTD 450
Apple Active Pack 450
New ipod Nano 16GB 425
Ripsticks 375
Beatles Rockband Value 375
DSI Game System 375
T3 Bespoke Labs Hair Dryer 350
Smart Parts Guns 325 - 450
Sunglasses 335
iHome Docking Station 325
iPod Touch 8GB 325
Portable DVD 300
Farouk Chi Ceramic Flat Flat Irons 300
ipod Nano 8GB 300

Ruffian Scarves 300
iTunes Gift Card- Silhouette 250
X Box Microsoft Gift Cards 250
Wii Fitness with Board 250
Wii Fit 250

Wii - Sports Game Included 250
Razer eXactMat- Duo Precision Gaming Surface 150
Mobile Me 225
PSP Rock Band Bundle 200
Ratchet & Clank Bundle 200

Flip Video 200
iPod 4BG Shuffle 200
iPod Dock + Karaoke System 200
G Shock Watches 200

Amazon Gift Cards 125-500
SkullCandy Headphones 125-175
iPod 1 GB Shuffle 150

Hi-Lo Combination Converter/Transformer Kit 150
Orange Amps 125
Fredrick Fekkai Hair Products 85
Bare Minerals Make Up 85
House of Harlow Jewelry 85
Ruffian Books 85
Nail Polish Sets 75
Alex and Ani Jewelry 75
Gym Class Heroes Lockerz Tickets 75
Baggu Bags 50
Dylan's Candy Assorted Items 50
USB Ports 40
iPhone Skins 35
Lockerz Wall Paper 15
Demon's Souls Standard Edition PS3 100
UFC 2009 Undisputed - PS3 100
NBA 2K10 100
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - PS3 100
Grand Theft Auto IV - PS3 100
Guitar Hero Aerosmith - PS3 Game 200
Kill Zone 2 - PS3 100
Saw 3 - PS3 100
Star Wars Clone Wars Republic Heroes PS3 100
Batman Arkham Asylum - PS3 100
Guitar Hero 5 Guitar Bundle - PS3 200
Madden NFL 2010 - PS3 100
Dirt 2 - PS3 100
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 - PS3 100
Need for Speed Shift - PS3 100
NHL 2010 - PS3 100
God of War: Chains of Olympus PSP 100
KillZone: Liberation - PSP 100
Grand Theft Auto Vice City Stories - PSP 100
Dirt 2 - PSP 100
Gran Turismo - PSP 100
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 - PSP 100
Naruto Shippuden: Legends Akatsuki PSP 100
NBA 2K10 PSP 100
NBA 2010 PSP 100
Need for Speed Shift - PSP 100
Star Wars Clone Wars Republic Heroes PSP 100
Final Fantasy: Dissidia - PSP 100
Madden NFL 2010 PSP 100
Grand Theft Auto IV - X360 100
Shaun White Snowboarding - X360 100
UFC 2009 Undisputed - X360 100
EA SPORTS Fight Night Round 4 - X360 100
Prototype - X360 100
NBA Live 2010 360 100
NBA 2K10 360 100
Call of Duty: World at War - X360 100
Batman Arkham Asylum - X360 100
Guitar Hero 5 Guitar Bundle - X360 200
Halo 3 ODST 100
Madden NFL 2010 - X360 100
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 - X360 100
Need for Speed Shift - X360 100
NHL 2010 - X360 100
Saw - X360 100
Star Wars Clone Wars Republic Heroes 360 100
New Super Mario Bros. - DS 100
Pokémon Platinum - DS 100
Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box - DS 100
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 - DS 100
Scribblenauts - DS 100
Star Wars Clone Wars Republic Heroes DS 100
Naruto Shippuden: Ninja Destiny - DS 100
Mario & Sonic @ Olympic Games - DS 100
Jillian Michaels Fitness Ultimatum 2010 - Wii 100
Game Party 3 - Wii 100
Guitar Hero 5 Guitar Bundle - Wii 200
Madden NFL 2010 - Wii 100
Sports Resort with motion plus - Wii 100
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 - Wii 100
NBA 2K10 - Wii 100
NHL 2K10 - Wii 100
World of Warcraft - PC 100
Grand Theft Auto IV - PC 100
Hearts of Iron III - PC 100
Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood - PC 100

Blog EntryOct 10, '09 2:18 AM
for everyone

Hi guys! As you all know, I have been endlessly promoting and inviting people these past few days about this site called, Lockerz. 

I even put up a site (see link) intended to answer the 3 questions: 
 1) What is Lockerz? 
 2) Isn't Lockerz a scam?, and
 3) what do you want me to do about it Gus?/How to join and get the free things? 

It also includes a FAQ (Frequently asked questions) from the Lockerz site itself. They will be formally launching this October 15 and they will ship the prizes internationally. 

Theoretically, I earned the PSP/Nintendo Wii and the T-Shirt already, and just waiting for the shipping and redemption of these prizes. I did that in as little as 7 days, and I have proof of it. 

Most of you got a gazillion friends in facebook, friendster, et. al; I have more or less, 390++. 

I have spent a considerable time and effort in researching about this, and I don't see anything bad in signing up for 5 minutes and getting a prize. Hell, you could even fake everything about your info and still get a prize, if your security worries you so much. 

Here are pictures of proof: http://fauxx.fileave.com/Proof.htm  

I'm not just doing this for MY sake, maybe you could get something out of it too. The most I could get from you guys joining is 4 points. But what I'm trying to do now, is make you guys rethink your unconscious bias about it. And maybe, we could help each other out. ^^ 

So, again you could read everything in the link, and after sending me an email, wait for the invite in your respective mailboxes (sometimes it goes to spam). That is, if I haven't sent you one already. :D

Blog EntryAug 24, '09 12:09 PM
for everyone
It is every shopaholic's dream: a credit card with no spending limit. 

Let us imagine first what that would mean. We were given the choice to charge it with something big or something small or something cheap or expensive. What choices would we make, right? What choices would we not make, in fact. The ony instruction is to get anything and everything we want. 

Then charge it all on the plastic.

There once was a place which used to be this big military base. And on this base, there were three main entrances - gates - we'd call them. Every once (and i do mean once) in a while, my school shuttle service would take the route into the military camp. It's one of those moments when you were little, and if you'd have your way with the steering wheel, you'd drive out of the monotonous routes the service takes every single day. 

And if I had an alternative route to take, it would certainly be through those gates, into the military base. 

I can remember the van cheering if we take that route. Followed by heads peering through the windows, young eyes trying to see tanks and guns and soldiers, trying to familiarize and remember which one was where and what. And there were a lot of trees. It's like going through a mini-forest. For a brief 10-15 minutes, we were on an adventure.

But what I particularly enjoyed was entering the gate. The one we used to enter through was Gate 1. It has a shaded gatehouse with this particularly huge tent-like roof stretching high into obscurity. Well, everything seemed huge back then. And inside the gatehouse, of course, were armed soldiers (or MP I would have later learned) guarding from whatever evil forces that lie outside the gates. These men with their berets, and rifles, and shiny whistles, and arm bands, would look inside our van... and salute to us pupils. Of course, this was in jest, but it felt real nonetheless, as we lousily salute back with our smug smiling faces.

It's almost magical when circumstance go in your favor. When you find yourself suddenly en route to that place you've always wanted to go but couldn't have. That even when everything is out of your control, it goes according to what you would have planned. The universe conspires and the soldiers salute back at you with an authority a young pupil can only muster with deadly misspellings and stained after-school uniforms.

And being students still, we started growing and learning more. About correct spelling and enunciation and pronounciation. That there are more routes to take, and even more paths to choose from, and the choices we make or we don't. That when seed germinates into trees, and trees grow into forests, that sometimes cities could grow out of it shortly after. We learned that everything once huge becomes smaller, and every simpler thing becomes complicated. Science replaces magic. Driving becomes a bitch. And gates would open and close, and would open again for the last time.

And one day you'll just find yourself somewhere you've always wanted to go but couldn't anymore.

Now, I remember the last days of the first gate, which technically, does not have any gates at all, but of which we still call gates nonetheless. And ironical still, that its the usual monotonous route I take these days. The once high and huge gatehouse finds itself stripped of the roof that once crowned it. What remains is a dirty and dusty chamber which once housed proud soldiers. 

An old couple took their place. 

They have been a spectacle to commuters going through that route. I tried to remember the soldiers and the salutes and the magic it once had. Miss it, even, cause its gone now. Peering through, I see housewares were now stacked against the walls where rifles would have been. No chairs, just cardboard to keep the floor warm. Most of the time, the couple would just be sleeping. It comes with old age, I guess. Or constant hunger and lack of things to do and lack of things, simply. Day by day, basically just doing what we humans do... growing older and waiting.

Everyday, I glimpse for a few seconds into the gatehouse, seeing just a window of their life at a time. Distant yet always in reach.

And then one day came, when me and my gf decided to visit them for Christmas. And we planned to save up some money and buy them new blankets cause we haven't noticed one. Maybe a few canned goods, a take-out from a fastfood and whatnot. Some menthol pain medication would do well too for the arthritis. And just talk, maybe. A mere 10-15 minutes of adventure. Cause truth be told, even lesser would mean something.

That Christmas never came.

I don't remember. Whether we forgot about it, or didn't have the money, or if the old couple left before we remember about them, but one day they were gone from the gatehouse, from our consciousness, and who knows, maybe gone from this world. And I confess, it's not particularly pleasant to remember them these days.

What sucks is when circumstances go in your favor, conspired by the universe yet the best-laid plans remain just that. And everything that is within your control means nothing when time either catches up or catches you empty-handed. 

I think we did not have the time back then. Or worse, and what I fear most, is that we did not make the time. You can't expect a salute from that.

You know Time, right? It's the credit card I was talking about earlier. Each of us is given this sky-is-the-limit credit card called Time. We can spend it any way we want. And when in fact it does not have a limit, what it does have, however, is an expiration date

And it's ours, we should know what to do with it. Don't we?

-----
The only "surviving" gate is Gate 3. That is the route you take if you are going to Market-Market from Guadalupe. I don't notice if the gatehouse is still there anymore.

Blog EntryAug 20, '09 10:34 PM
for everyone
First of all, I am pleased with my new layout among other things.

I still have that penchant for things high contrast and monochrome with a dash of red. I'm sporting my favorite bleach character, Urahara Kisuke. I did not wake up early to jog just playing with the layout so I guess this new blog is physically worth something. 

And yes, I am aware of the defects of the image, and will most probably do nothing about it just like the "s" in the "whatnots" of my previous blog. (I can't find the rule about putting an "s" in collective terms or about its redundancy. But yes, I am aware of that as well.) Most probably.

I'm making quite a big deal out of this, aren't I?

Not much has changed ever since my first post. I'm still asking the same questions, saying the same things and such. And I still see the same people believing the same lies. 

When one says, "I Love Black", he doesn't actually say he hates white. He might even say that he loves white more. In other words, he is lying. And that's life: a lie. (or a series of lies if the math is bothering you) The next time you read Fauxx' post, it may do well for you to keep that in mind... if you want to understand what he is writing about, that is.

And, Gus is not Fauxx, I've realized.

They may not be different from each, basically is the same person, eats the same amount of carbs and fats (that's the 2nd health refrence there) but Gus is not Fauxx. That is me also not saying that even though Gus is "real", Fauxx is not. Both are fine with it.

So check out my new introduction

-------
Thanks to Judes for lending me he his theme and to the guy who has lended it to him. And to Gus, who has decided to help me with the new lay out and to lend me his thoughts as though my own.

Blog EntryAug 7, '09 12:07 PM
for everyone
A penny for your stories?

I intended for this to be ten different stories in one post, but then again I am starting to feel sleepy. Anyway, I would be doing the ten stories in a series instead.

So, enjoy and be nice.
----------------------------------------------------------

My brother used to be the most hyperactive little brat in his classes. (Unlike me, if I do say so myself.) He is the type of kid who won't stay in one place for 1 minute. And he won't write. Three to four times a week, my mom will be receiving feedback from patient (and I mean, srs-bzns-type patient) teachers that my brother has been to the director's office again. 

Not that he goes into trouble from harmful mischief or anything, but sometimes he goes so bored in his classes, he wanders off the room and he goes to chat outside. With no less than the school's directress herself. Some feat (or fit of stubbornness) the other kids don't have the balls (or the proper childish indecency) to do.

His was a long preschool life.

But what he loved to do was acting and dancing. He would sparingly give you a dance if you ask for one. At that time, he wasn't that... good... of a dancer. And I'm leaving it at that. And when we do this, my Mom and I muster all our efforts to keep a straight face, half-smiling and half laughing our asses off. As I've said, he used to go all over the place like a ping pong ball not losing kinetic energy. But when he dances, he would focus his attention, get his serious face on, and goes dancing some.. thing. It was a rare event for all of us, especially for a kid who has been diagnosed with ADHD, to focus on something.

Although, he was funny as hell, we were encouraging him. And we were sincere.

His teachers also encourage him, as my mom so carefully advise them. You see, children with ADHD needs hell of a lot of encouragement. With proper encouragement, they could turn out to be a genius, or failing that, an unmanageable pain in the ass. (Btw, if you want to check whether someone has ADHD, my mom taught me a quick test. Ask the child to look you straight in the eye for 2 minutes. You'll notice the restlessness from the kids unlike the other kids. I wish I could let you see how funny my brother tries to do this back then.)

For his acting skills output, his teachers would choose him to play for some skits. Or he'd volunteer in some. He would also do mini-declamation if chance permits. One day, he was chosen to play Jose Rizal and say some memorized line of what the latter said. Unfortunately, I did not know how it went though. Not that I needed to; he practiced for days. In front of me. While I was sleeping, usually.

He had this habit of busting into my room. And he would ask me things that every curious kid would and couldn't ask. (Thanks to his' parents redirection to me every time. i.e. Go ask your brother.) Sometimes he would ask questions that I would not normally expect from a child. But then again, sometimes he would just plainly pester me.


Side story: Sheryl, Me, and Miko first time out together in a mall. 

My brother was being his usual annoying self insisting he should try the bungee-jumping-trampoline thing in Market-Market. Sheryl was just there beside me smiling and marvelling about the usual way my brother and I communicate in English and the uncommon words she hears while in normal conversation with the brat. 

Trying to piss him off, I said we won't make it there in time and he won't be allowed anyway since he is a "fatty fat fatty". Then my brother declared along these lines, "If we don't go there now, I would pester you the rest of the day." And while walking, he would poke me while saying "pester, pester". 

Now Sheryl finds this exceptionally funny and would normally do this to me in our dates especially when she can't have her way.


During my brother's nursery (or Kinder) graduation, my parents asked me to come with to help them keep peace in their minds. Like a yaya for my ever-energetic brother. True to his reputation, he would get off his chair, talk to people and be virtually everywhere.

As the event draws to a close, the kids were asked to form a line leading to the stage, where said children were to tell the audience what they would like to be when they grow up. "Interesting", I thought to myself as I secretly anticipate their faces saying what they actually want to be... before calculus, or theses, or the bittersweet disillusionment of the sucky-side of life.

Naturally, my brother would be repulsed with this established order and cut into the middle of the queue entirely, ignoring the protests of his peers and everyone else. Then the chanting started. 

"I want to be a teacher." "I want to be a soldier." "I want to be a doctor." "I want to be a nurse." "I want to be a policeman."

But then my brother, half-realizing he cut into the queue, broke off the line. Cue parents to me to fix it, and so I went to him. Then I realized, he wasn't going to break off the line but was going to the end of it. At this time, the silent tally of the audience indicates a landslide victory for "Doctor". 

Doctor. Nurse. Astronaut. Teacher. Doctor. Doctor. Soldier. Doctor. Teacher. Doctor.

I wanted to ask my brother there and then what he wanted to be. But what I asked is if he had anything in mind, fearing he might not have any since he went farther back in line. He answered, that in fact, he did have something in mind. I left him alone. 

Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. "I want to be a Doctor...."

Then finally, my brother's turn. At this time, the audience were laughing in their seats everytime a child says doctor. It is obvious that they were copying each other. And I watched from the sidelines, curious what my beloved brother would want to be. 

Please don't say doctor.

"I want to be Doctor... Jose Rizal."

And the room burst into boisterous laughter and applause. My parents were half covering their heads laughing. No one expected him to say that. What made it effective was that he wasn't seemingly trying to get attention but that he was serious.

I've never been so proud of him since that evening.

He is in grade 4 in SPED class now and his hyperactivity has been manageable. In fact, he is so much different the last time I'm with him. He still surprises me with his questions and line of thinking. His latest exploits are delivering love letters and how he thinks her classmates are being irritatingly giggly when he delivers it to them. I miss the kid a lot.

Blog EntryAug 3, '09 11:29 AM
for everyone
I recently acquired one of my sought after books ("sought after" meaning, I wouldn't pay for it for its original price and would likely purchase it half of its price or better. In this case, the book is supposed to be Php 539, I got it for Php 200 along with Dune for Php 75, usually Php 250) last 7/29. Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins.

Another self-help book? Hell yeah it is. Let me explain.

Lately, I have been stuck in a rut. Events prior to today have left me incapacitated, indifferent and basically, a walking unfocused mess. Imagine the feeling of a person who just planned his life and shortly after, realizing the world is going to end in a few years (not limited to 2012). I'm not saying I did that, but realize the feeling. Adding a multitude of insecurity, frustrations, self-doubt, fear and whatchamacallits to the mix.

This usually leaves me attention-whoring on social networks (i.e. posting links, pictures, videos, etc.) And if you realize that I have been doing so for the past x months, well I think that's how long I've been lazing around.

But I'm straying from my point.

I would like to evaluate myself now and let this blog post be a marker of my current status. Also, this will be a pre-journal about the book I am reading and if it works.

The author said that we make three decisions everyday.

Unconsciously or not, we do it. And by these 3 decisions you will be able to control your "destiny". He said that if you don't control these decisions, you aren't simply in control of your life.

1. Your decision about what to focus on.
2. Your decision about what things mean to you.
3. Your decision about what to do to create the results you desire.

I've thought about it and it does prove a point. For example, in the science of cramming. My more than ample experience on the art and science of cramming over the years is a textbook example following the ideology of these three decisions.

When you see the clock at 3 AM and you still haven't finished a 10-page final exam essay to be submitted by 10 AM (not counting the time to fix yourself by 8 AM for school), you basically have undivided attention. There is nothing else to focus on but getting the shit done as quickly as possible. You have your focus. You are itching and impatient of your fingers because of it typing slowly. Ultimately, you get it done.

But if that doesn't mean anything to you, whether you pass it or not, 100% you won't pass the said essay. ("Screw that, i'm going to sleep.") And that is my problem. Usually. Or all three.

What I usually focus on:
Everything. Every. Single. Thing. I focus on my room, my appetite, my profile, comments on my facebook, comments on other people's facebook, my blog, unread books, the weather, the news, my guitar, relationships and whatever and everything else. In 10-second intervals. I wish I can say I am exaggerating, but I am not. (by the way, going offline works) I used to have a "middle" degree of focus before. It has steadily been declining for awhile now until I literally can't think of a single thought. When I write about something, I usually have focus. And when I write something I need a trigger from an emotion. Excitement, holy anger, sobriety, or whatever. And it has been therapeutic, and it makes me happy. But then again it's been awhile since I've written something "long". The reason leads me to the second point...

What things mean for me:
I don't care about anything anymore. Or I care less about anything anymore. "Life's gonna suck when you grow up and then you're gonna die" says a song. What things mean for me, becomes a choice. For example, going to class. I do not have that unconscious urge of common A-students to just go and not freaking complicate my life by not thinking about such trivial and stupid things that I think about. It's a struggle getting up. It's a struggle fixing myself. I know that what I do day to day will mean something... either help me in having a decent job and whatnot, but there is a side of me that says, "tss~ IDK. IDC.". I can't have that shitty belief anymore.

What I do to create the results I desire:
I think here is what the frustration, self-doubt and personal fears kicks in. I don't desire much. I forget what I desire. Then I can't focus on what I want to do or what I dream to do.

One has to be conscious about these three. One has to actively make these decisions. The good news is that, I have control of these decisions but not necessarily the easiest thing. So with this, I'm taking these on notice. And hopefully, it takes me somewhere and get my game face on.

Wish me strength. :D

Blog EntryAug 2, '09 8:35 AM
for everyone
The place is located in Rizal, Makati City. Above my humble abode.

Room good for 4 if you will have it as bedspace. What you see below are the CR (one for each room). Females only.



Features:
- Electricity and water bill will be shared by the 3 rooms. Water is electrically pumped.
- No curfew. Cute and handsome landlord, single if need be. (loko lang)
- 2 (or 1) rides away from MRT, Market-Market, Eastwood (via MetroLink buses), Ayala, SM Mall of Asia et. al and distant 24-hour convenience stores.
- Laundry shop, water station, hardware, pharmacy and computer shop are your neighbors.
- Wide and tile-floored patio. Wooden ceiling. (in the pic, the current occupants of one room brought their stove and electric rice cooker)




Contact me for details regarding the payment schemes and whatnot. We will also screen prospective tenants. Srsly. It is for their own security.

Blog EntryJul 16, '09 10:46 AM
for everyone
At least this election, we've got very good people. I wish some of them would back out. 

What do you think? You could give me insights as well.

Top picks as of July 16, 2009: (1 is the highest)

10. Chiz Escudero
- articulate yet it doesn't cut for me. Actually, "no". No meaning, I hope he doesn't win.

9. Loren Legarda
- Another "no". I am ignorant of her credentials.

8. Ed Panlilio(?)
- reformist but no. 

7. Gilbert Teodoro
- I have been hearing about his good reputation. I heard he is an excellent administrator, seemingly has the balls and character. Wouldn't hurt for him to win.


6. Mar Roxas
- I don't care about the Korina wedding thing and people are being stupid if they think he uses her. I think he would make a good president based on his accomplishments and experience.

5. Jejomar Binay
- has the experience, qualities, and the political will. It wouldn't hurt for him to win. But he talks a tad bit too much and too soon and there is foolishness in that. Well, if that is how it is if you are UNO president... but then again, he could do a lot. I wish he would win.

4. Bayani Fernando
- You are my choice for president.... for the next election. Please run for vice-president now.

3. Dick Gordon
- This guy gets things done (like Bayani and Binay), but his good morals and conviction with some brilliance earns his lead between the other 2 mayors. Number 3.

2. Noli De Castro
- Exceeded my expectations for him. I think he is genuine public service material. He gained experience and he used his term very very well. It's a tie between him and...

1. Manny Villar
- What's stronger and truer than any other platform is a life testimony. In fact, I think he is one of those guys I admire.

Blog EntryJul 13, '09 11:18 AM
for everyone
Oh man, if I were to write a soap, how would I go on about it?

There was an announcement that some network was hiring writers for a soap drama. Then I thought, "OMIGOSH. LIEK LOL. If I had just a story with all the script and thingamajigs, I could have submitted it." But then again, that didn't stop me from wondering. Thus, the question up there.

I thought about it and I will just make it up along the way here.

So here is the plan for my soap.

First, there would be boobs. Ample, titillating, and naked boobage. Or anything to that effect. Why? It's just an observation of some relatively great TV shows I watched. From The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, to Scrubs and to Heroes.  It seems like sex would be a prerequisite. The hook to watch out for more. Now, the question will be the feasibilty of actually pulling it off...


Check.

The trend I am seeing right now from the TV soaps present are either adaptations or remakes. Before that, there were fantasies and (pinoy) comic adaptations. Actually, I was wondering why we have this fixation on love stories and fantasies. And looking at it, yea, it seems like an escape. I won't go into the moral, social and philosophical implications of these cause I got an idea.

The story would happen right after the assassination of Ninoy.

Well going back to the issue of boobs, I just learned that there were Pene movies back in 1970's so that wouldn't be much of a problem. Okay.

So what if we knew who "killed" Ninoy? Actually, Ninoy wouldn't be shot at the airport, he would be missing. In fact, there will be someone or some people who will take responsibility for this? (not really saying the motives or their connections) And the Philippines will be saying, "WTF?" (Bear in mind that this will be a time that the country is close to being the leader in Asia.)

Would the EDSA People Power push through? What would be the people's reaction be and what would they do? And just then, the President dies from his disease. The most feared and respected and powerful post in the Philippines, even Asia, will be vacant. Now there's a lot of material to go about. We could go crazy.

From there you could buzz up the nation and make it think. Make them curious what the fuck REALLY happened during and before 1986. Cause it seems like there is a blanket of silent ignorance among the youth (myself not exempt) about the Philippine's history and its lessons these days.

But why so serious right?

Then again, we could make a lighter story about teen love with adult love of course. And some inane and gratuitous kissing here and there. No holds barred tearjerking. More switching babies and switching parents and switching lovers and more amnesiacs. More inane and/or random lesbian kissing here and there. Revenge and power struggles of rich vs poor. Good vs. evil. Hell, we could even put more boobs. That kind of thing.

The catch? All will be grossly and be comically exagerated. And a Deathnote, of course. And herpes for the kissing. When people get into accidents, they remain in a coma. When people get shot, they die. In fact, the season will end with everyone dying, more or less.

So have you thought about what soap you would like to have?

Blog EntryJul 3, '09 10:45 AM
for everyone
Well, not really...

But there is this new comic book shop in Market! Market! and I found this in best condition:


Not too bad eh?

I think I just proved the power of attraction, when you keep on hoping against great odds and possibilities for something to happen, it is bound to happen. Not that this is THAT too big a deal, but I still felt pretty awesome about it.

Now to find his other 20-peso brothers...

P.S.: I also saw a couple of World War Hulk and even the latest Dark Reign issues.

Blog EntryJul 2, '09 11:13 AM
for everyone
I was tasked to make a declamation piece for my brother. After racking my brains, squeezing what little juices I have left after a long drought of writer's block, I managed to write this as a declamation piece. This is the first draft (be nice) and might edit to make a guide for movements, stresses and whatnot.

I actually do not know what a declamation piece is or what is it for.

So, I need your help in either:
 - correcting this
 - giving feedback
 - making a new declamation piece
    They wanted it funny (which I figured will come to play on the actual delivery) and "with a lesson". Topic is about anything.
 - or imagine/recalling yourself making one and tell me what its like

RE: The character is from Half-Life 2. (property of Valve) There is a stage called, "We Do Not Go To Ravenholm". Basically, that is the inspiration (obviously) and the quote from G.K. Chesterton

====================================================

WE DO NOT GO TO RAVENHOLM

====================================================

 

Let me tell you about Gordon. I can tell you who he is, but let me tell you WHAT he is.

 

Gordon came from an unknown world and from an indefinite time. He comes and he goes but he always leave a mark. He carries powerful guns. Really big, really loud, and really deadly guns. They could blast walls and anything in between. Gordon carries explosive bombs too. Most of them, the world has never known before and for a good reason. But his most favorite is his crowbar which he uses to open boxes, doors, and anything that is sealed shut...

 

…and it is very painful for smashing too.

 

He knows all secrets that's why he always keep his guns ready. He can't be hurt by bullets and swords. He can't be hurt by fire or toxic acids.

 

Some even say, Gordon can't die.

 

The mere mention of his name sends shivers to the spines of some. He has even

walked... IN RAVENHOLM.

 

RAVENHOLM.

 

What is Ravenholm you ask? Ask a random person and they would say, "We do not go to Ravenholm." Are you SERIOUSLY asking how bad can that place be?

 

In the past, Ravenholm is a simple and happy town. Just like the one we have now. Everyone is happy. Everyone is in bliss and the sun is always shining. Just like the one we have now.

 

But now in Ravenholm, there is burning fire, there is total chaos and an eerie and

fearsome darkness. In fact, the sun doesn't shine there anymore. And in that great

darkness, there are things lurking unimaginable to the living and is not for the faint of heart... and these things are not of the living but... the UNDEAD.

 

Zombies. Bloody, decomposing, and VERY violent zombies. Hundreds of them all in

Ravenholm. And they are REALLY hungry... hungry for your brains or whatever part of your body they can hold on to...

 

 

... WE DO NOT GO TO RAVENHOLM!!! BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!

 

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

HAHAHAHA.

 

Hahaha.

 

...

 

But I told you before, this is a story about Gordon or "the one free man". Gordon Freeman is a character from my favorite game, Half-Life 2. He is the hero. He is MY hero.

 

But wait, is this too much for a kid? Will this make kids go violent and bad? Should you be worried about SCARY games like these?

 

I know that even before I started, all of you know there are scarier things than computer games. You know that there are things deadlier than just silly zombies.

 

The real-world Ravenholm has drugs, vices, violence, and other evil things. Some might even be in our own backyard filled with things that can wrongfully influence us; not the games we play but how it will affect us. And as much as we fear it, ignore it, or even deny it, every kid will pass through one of these real-world Ravenholms whether we like it or not, one way or another.

 

Yes, we WILL go to Ravenholm if we haven’t gone already.

 

You see, the story about the fictional Ravenholm is true. But G. K. Chesterton once said, "Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons (in this case, zombies) exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated."

 

We should learn from Dr. Gordon Freeman. In the first place, he did not plan on staying in Ravenholm. He had a clear mission and purpose. He knows all secrets; that is why his guns are ready for the unknown. He had wisdom to make the right decisions and conviction to stay out of the wrong path. He had the courage to shoot the evil things in the dark. In the end, he passed through, victoriously.

 

When the time comes, we should not go to Ravenholm... alone. We need you to be like Dr. Freeman. We need you to be our heroes. So that we can try to be like you.

 

Let us find you beside us, your loving hand guiding us not blocking our eyes. Not fighting our battles, but reminding us that you’ve got our backs. We need to be taught how to shoot zombies out of our way.

 

 


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